Married Match - Lesson 1
Hi Everyone
This is your almost weekly newsletter from Married Match. In the Newsletter I try and keep you up to date with what is going on with the site and also what I am up to too… as long as I can talk about it without being arrested.
This week I would like to start talking about the new options on our system and give you a little information on how to use the site more effectively I will also be continuing my Harley Tips section along with this weeks Tasteless Joke.
As most of you have seen by now, the site had changed drastically and even I am still learning some of the options. Our Programming God, Travis has done one heck of a job with the system and I would like to thank him for all his efforts. Sorry ladies even though he is a real stud and has that Australian accent he is taken… However if you like old bikers I am always available. 
OK OK. I digress.. On with the News.
I am going to start with logging into the site and then moving onto the options you have here. I will show you a few simple processes and then in the next newsletter continue them until we have everything covered. You may wish to save there and they will also be posted on the blog of our site and at http://www.datetonight.com/
PLEASE HELP:
Tell your friends about us. Remember the more people we have on the site the better it will be for everyone. So tell your drinking buddies and all the women on your my space pages and anyone else you can think of. Remember ladies are free all the time so tell all your female pals to sign up soon.
Logging in:
Depending on how long it has been since you were at the site you may or may not be logged into the system. If you are you will see a message near the top that says WELCOME YOUR-USER-NAME if you are not logged in you will see the blanks for user name and password.
If you can log into the site without any problems you can skip the lost password section below but if you are having a problem please read the next section below.
Lost Password:
If you are having a problem or if because of the change over from the old system you haven’t retrieved your old password you may need to visit this link http://www.marriedmatch.com/forgotpass.php
Type in your email address and the system will email you your log-in information.
When it finds your email address it will give you a message on the screen that it found it and emailed it to you.
In the event that you don’t receive the email check your spam folder first.
If it is not there I will see that the email didn’t make it and email it to you ASAP or you can just email me at marriedmatch@gmail.com and I will send you your information to log in to the system.
It DOES NOT HELP to keep entering it and trying to send it to yourself more then one time. If it doesn’t make it the first time then it isn’t going to do it on it’s own but rest assured I will catch it and get you the info ASAP.
Once you have the information from either me or the system please cut and paste it into the block for user id and password. If you type it in there is a possibility for errors.
THE SYSTEM DIDN’T FIND MY EMAIL ADDRESS:
In the event the system didn’t find your address you have 2 choices. Try a couple different email addresses you might have used in the past or just use your present email information and enter a new profile.
If you are entering a new profile please write down the email address you used and the password for when you need it to log into the site next time.
OK that’s it for lesson 1. Logging into the system. Next time we will talk about your profile and editing it.
HARLEY TIPS:
Well what newsletter would be complete without Joe’s Harley Tips. Here is this weeks tip. Go to any auto parts store and purchase a package of shop rags. They are only about 9 bucks for 50 most places. Carry a couple on the bike and one in your back pocket. The next time you spill gas when filling up you can wipe it up right away. Also if you carry an elastic band with alligator clips on the ends you can fold one into a triangle and put it over your nose and mouth the next time you are going through bug infested country or rain. I always carry 2 elastic straps so i can put one over my forehead too when needed. Not only do they work but they make you look like a bank robber too!
This Weeks Tasteless Joke:
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular
workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY :
Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.
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FRIDAY :
I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little #@*. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY :
Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY :
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds
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Well that is it for this week. I hope everyone has a Great Fun and Safe Weekend.
Thanks
Joe from Married Match
http://www.marriedmatch.com
“Where you don’t have to say: Yes, I’m married, but …”
PS Don’t forget to tell all your friends! Every night at Married Match is Ladies Night because Ladies are always FREE.
